I’ve been at training camp for about two weeks now. I got here last Sunday night a little bit sad to be leaving home, but largely just excited to be on mission. I had met a lot of the people on my squad and despite my usual difficulty getting to know people, I felt connected to some of them immediately. On the first day, I already said that I could see us being really good friends.
We jumped right in to a schedule of sessions twice a day with group events thrown in between. We had team bonding, and coaching, and devotions, and Q&As. It was amazing, but also very overwhelming for me. I was hearing so many messages and learning so much that I didn’t know how to take it all in. A few days in I was feeling a lot heavier spiritually than the day we arrived.
I didn’t realize that I was questioning my calling until I talked to a couple of my coaches. They asked me why I was here and I responded, “God wants me here…I think.” They advised me to take some time with God and figure that out. I had never thought about not sticking to the plan of going on the World Race. I didn’t realize I still had an option. In the questioning, my coaches reminded me that this isn’t supposed to be a prison. If it’s not what God wants for my life, I could not and should not go.
I literally cried out to God for a while and left that prayer still very uncertain. I wanted to clear my mind of any factors other than God’s plan for me, but that task is much easier said than done. On both sides I was trying to disregard thoughts of failure, people’s opinions, what would be comfortable for me, and everything in between.
In the past few days of continuously praying for God to reveal His purpose for me I have had the chance to see the world through the lens of someone who was about to leave. In thinking that might have been the path for me, the possibility of leaving these people and the opportunities I’d miss to share God with people was a very bittersweet thought. I would love to be at home, but I knew leaving the Race would be a different type of overwhelming.
I continued to ask God to reveal His plan to me and in the next few days I reacquired some of my passion for this trip and the work I’ll be able to do sharing God’s love with people. My time here has been far from easy and I expect that to be true of the rest of the trip as well. Despite that difficulty, I’ve been able to come back to the excitement of this opportunity.
Writing this blog itself was hard for me because this story doesn’t have an ending, so I can’t tell you that it turned out great yet. I have to be honest in telling you all that I don’t have it figured out and I am struggling. It’s a lot easier to talk about battles when they’re over than while they’re happening, but easy isn’t the point.
In all this, I would appreciate prayers that God would be continuously calling me and that I would have strength through the amazing challenges of the World Race.
Proud of you for pushing through and not being afraid to question yourself and your goals. I hope everything works out and you follow your heart and where God takes you. ??
Emma, I love you so so much ?? You are an amazing young woman and I am so inspired by you, including your voice of faith, in word and action. That doesn’t mean that the road is easy. I will continue praying for you every day, but whatever the days ahead hold, I don’t ever see failure being part of your story. I love you ??
I want to put a laughing face emoji to start this reply, but the hearts that I put in the previous message came out as two question marks… so I’m not sure what that would come out else. So I guess I will just go “old-school” and just say lol 🙂 And please note that ?? = heart!!
Miss Emma,
If we know 100% then where is there room to walk by faith? I remember before I went on my first mission trip the attacks of “you are not going to help anyone” or “ someone else could take your spot and do so much more. Give it up!” You are not alone in your struggle. Keep talking to God, our champion, and listening for Him to guide you. Beau and I love you and are praying for you!
Thanks mom! Your constant support has done so much for me. I love you!
Thank you Kerri! That is encouraging. I know God’s working in this.
I love you guys! Is there anything I can be praying for you for?
Always to see Gods vision and act according to His will! And that we can handle the kitchen next weekend without you!!!!
Of course, absolutely praying! Aww I’ll miss you guys.
I believe if you could see yourself as I have seen you at CTR, you would KNOW that this is exactly where you are supposed to be. In the short timie I was able to talk with you and see your spirit and heart for God that you are destined to do great things. He didn’t say that the path would be easy, but He did say that He would walk with you each step if you would allow Him. Take your light out into the world and let others see it as I have seen it.
Thank you for that Jeff!! I really appreciate the encouragement!
Thank you Jayden! I appreciate you.