I’ve been at training camp for about two weeks now.  I got here last Sunday night a little bit sad to be leaving home, but largely just excited to be on mission.  I had met a lot of the people on my squad and despite my usual difficulty getting to know people, I felt connected to some of them immediately.  On the first day, I already said that I could see us being really good friends.  

We jumped right in to a schedule of sessions twice a day with group events thrown in between.  We had team bonding, and coaching, and devotions, and Q&As.  It was amazing, but also very overwhelming for me.  I was hearing so many messages and learning so much that I didn’t know how to take it all in.  A few days in I was feeling a lot heavier spiritually than the day we arrived.

I didn’t realize that I was questioning my calling until I talked to a couple of my coaches.  They asked me why I was here and I responded, “God wants me here…I think.” They advised me to take some time with God and figure that out.  I had never thought about not sticking to the plan of going on the World Race.  I didn’t realize I still had an option.  In the questioning, my coaches reminded me that this isn’t supposed to be a prison.  If it’s not what God wants for my life, I could not and should not go.  

I literally cried out to God for a while and left that prayer still very uncertain.  I wanted to clear my mind of any factors other than God’s plan for me, but that task is much easier said than done.  On both sides I was trying to disregard thoughts of failure, people’s opinions, what would be comfortable for me, and everything in between.  

In the past few days of continuously praying for God to reveal His purpose for me I have had the chance to see the world through the lens of someone who was about to leave.  In thinking that might have been the path for me, the possibility of leaving these people and the opportunities I’d miss to share God with people was a very bittersweet thought.  I would love to be at home, but I knew leaving the Race would be a different type of overwhelming. 

I continued to ask God to reveal His plan to me and in the next few days I reacquired some of my passion for this trip and the work I’ll be able to do sharing God’s love with people.  My time here has been far from easy and I expect that to be true of the rest of the trip as well.  Despite that difficulty, I’ve been able to come back to the excitement of this opportunity.  

Writing this blog itself was hard for me because this story doesn’t have an ending, so I can’t tell you that it turned out great yet.  I have to be honest in telling you all that I don’t have it figured out and I am struggling.  It’s a lot easier to talk about battles when they’re over than while they’re happening, but easy isn’t the point.  

In all this, I would appreciate prayers that God would be continuously calling me and that I would have strength through the amazing challenges of the World Race.