A few weeks ago I was blessed with the opportunity to give a message with my friend, Grace, for my squad’s Sunday service. I won’t write out everything she said, but you should go read her blog about it. https://gracebode.theworldrace.org/post/stepping-out-in-boldness/
She talked about the enemy following high-points of our life with negative experiences or attacks.
I talked about a similar thing except basically the opposite.
In the same way that the devil can follow up spiritual highs and good times you’re going through with spiritual attack, God follows up bad times that you’re going through and struggles that you’re going through with growth and amazing experiences. I’ve seen this multiple times in my life and it talks about it a lot in the Bible.
One of the times I saw this most in my life was in the summer of 2020. I grew up with social anxiety, and for me that meant I didn’t like participating in things. I feared what people would think about me and I was scared of failure because I didn’t want people to think that I wasn’t good enough. When we had game nights at church or events at youth group, I’d stand in the back or stand in the corner. When I was at school I never talked in class and if I was called on I’d just start shaking because I didn’t know what to say. I struggled with that for a pretty long time.
Then in 2020, I was at summer camp, my favorite place on earth. Those of you that have been to summer camp may have experienced the ‘camp high’, like everything’s perfect while you’re at camp and when you leave you’re just on fire for the Lord and can ride that high for a while. I’ve been there, but this year was not like that for me. At camp, I had multiple anxiety attacks that were really confusing to me and I didn’t know why they were happening because in my mind camp was ‘supposed to be perfect’. It was also really strange because it would happen at weird times.
One time we were playing pool-ball (which is kickball with a pool as home base) and I didn’t want to be playing, but we had to participate, so my plan was to get out as soon as possible. I got up to base, I kicked the ball about 2 feet, and I started walking to the next base, hoping they’d get me out and I wouldn’t have to play anymore. So obviously, they picked up the ball and got me out and I was perfectly fine with that. Then Tyler, my then best friend, current boyfriend, said, “C’mon Emma.” He didn’t say it in a rude way and I know that was not meant to be a life-changing sentence or anything, but it struck me. I didn’t want him to think I was a failure, -that was my whole point for not participating- but I knew he was right. I knew I could do better than that and after that moment I knew God was challenging me. I had to start facing my anxiety and actually dealing with it in order to not let it rule my life and keep me from participating in everything.
I went home from camp with that challenge and was understandably scared of facing it because most everything gave me anxiety and I didn’t enjoy shaking out of fear. However, I knew that was something I had to do, so the day after I got back, I typed a message to one of my friends. I asked if she would be my accountability partner for me to participate in games at church and start getting out of my comfort zone. I’m not 100% sure I ever even sent that message, but I remember writing it and I remember meaning it. I was determined.
Very soon after that I started forcing myself to participate in things. I was still anxious because that doesn’t usually just go away in a second, so I’d do something and be shaking, but I’d do it anyway because I knew I had to overcome my anxiety. I started raising my hand in class every once in a while. I also joined cross country specifically because I knew I’d be bad at it. Before cross country I’d never run 3 miles consecutively before, so I didn’t even know if I could physically do the sport. I knew it would be good for me though because I was going to be bad at it and that was ok. That experience brought very black and white change. Before then, I almost never participated in anything and after that, I started shaking less and started actually wanting to do the things I was participating in. Because of that, I could see very clearly that going through that difficult time was for a purpose. It had a very evident outcome. But not everything is like that.
I got to the first week of training camp for the World Race and I was going through a lot. I was crying all the time and it wasn’t black and white at all. I was really confused, I started questioning my calling to the race, I was very overwhelmed, and I couldn’t pin any of it to one source. I didn’t know what God wanted me to do with that. However, after going through that, even though I can’t fully see what the results of it really were, there are a lot of things that I can see that God did with it and fruit I see from that time.
Now, if I ever go through something and I start questioning my calling here, I can rest in knowing that I already sorted that out with God and remember that He gave me peace with staying. Maybe I was meant to learn deeper dependence in that season of feeling so out of control, that I had no choice but to depend on God. Even if at the time I didn’t want to be going through those things, I can see ways that God has used them.
Sometimes your experience may be black and white where you can see the exact reason why God put you through something. Other times you may see what you went through and not exactly know why, but you can see a variety of ways that God used it because He’s always working through it.
This is talked about in the Bible plenty of times. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” You don’t just go through something and make it out. You don’t just go through something and afterward should forget it happened. God works for the good. It’s not gonna be a waste of time or a pointless experience. Proverbs 16:4 says, “The Lord works out everything to its proper end-.” If I trust God’s will for my life and I trust that God is good and I trust that He wants what’s best for me, when the Bible says He’s working everything to it’s proper end, then I know it will be what is best because God knows what we need. He also says everything… not just the things that seem like they should work out. Ecclesiastes 7:14 says, “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.” There’s the classic question- ‘Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people’ and that’s an understandable thing to wrestle with because it is confusing. But in going through things that have been difficult for me, I’ve been able to see the way that God’s working through them. I’ve seen the amazing things that God can do and the ways that you can grow through struggles and hard times that you wouldn’t be able to grow if life was perfect all the time. That really puts it in perspective for me. Now I can understand that I needed to go through some hard things to get to where I am now. God used it because no matter what it is or what you’re going through, God says He’ll work it for good and I choose to believe that.
